My Pregnancy vs. Postpartum Body Image

It's a wild ride, huh?

I’ve struggled with my body image for most of my life. It started in maybe 4th or 5th grade when some mean boy called me thunder thighs. Good times.

Both my weight and the way I view myself has fluctuated a lot over the years. Because I’m short, even 5 extra pounds can feel/look like a lot, so I’ve tried to be very conscious about how I treat myself - what I say to/about my body, how I eat, how I move, etc.

I usually find that eating well, exercising regularly and making sure that I get enough sleep are the main things that help me combat any negative thoughts that creep in. Feeling strong and healthy is always the best antidote.

Needless to say, I was a little worried about how pregnancy would impact me.

Right away, I had really strong food aversions and felt too tired to exercise like I used to. I remember getting a little worried about how I’d feel as my body continued to change.

To my surprise, the negative self talk never really came.

Sure, I’d joke about how I had a big belly or nothing fit or I looked silly in certain things. But it was always lighthearted.

I never labeled my changing body as a bad thing. It wasn’t because I was indulging too much or not exercising enough - it was because I was GROWING A HUMAN.

For maybe the first time in my life, I just let my body be what it needed to be. Of course, I tried my best to stay active and eat healthy - but I didn’t wish it was smaller or different in any way. As long as it was growing my baby boy, I was good with it.

It was an incredibly beautiful and freeing feeling.

I felt similarly after he was born, but it was a little more complicated. As I sifted through birth trauma, a small part of me wished my body could have delivered him naturally. As I struggled to feed him, a small part of me felt like my body was failing me. And I weirdly missed being pregnant? I remember crying while making this reel. Postpartum is weird.

Luckily, I had an incredibly supportive partner who listened to me cry and gently reminded me to be kind to myself. Ultimately I’d always come back to the fact that our baby is now here with us because of my body and nothing else really matters besides that. I was grateful.

And as my belly shrunk down and my scar started to fade, I found myself coming back to those pregnancy feelings again and again. The female body is AMAZING. We are so POWERFUL. What a GIFT!

But because very few things in life are linear, I’ve noticed the negative body image and self talk creeping in more and more often again...