Girl Talk: Why do we feel "less than"?
plus the headphones I finally bought, a great giveaway, and more
I debated whether I should continue to share my thoughts on the Harrison Butker of it all here or just let it go… but the truth is, it’s consumed a LOT of my thoughts this week.
For the most part, your reactions have been similar to mine. But I’ve had a little bit of pushback from people in DMs and comments.
It was interesting to me that one person thinks the diabolical lies he was speaking of were: “that our culture today puts so much pressure on women to have a successful career, be stressed all the time, etc and that’s not for everyone. But there is guilt around staying at home and it’s seen as ‘less than’.”
While I think she’s giving Harrison far too much credit with this take, her use of “less than” still struck me.
Because it was just last week that I published a vulnerable post about Mother’s Day feelings. A post about how I, a nearly 37 year old woman who got married and is trying to be a mother later than her friends, have felt less than in my 30s.
How women who haven’t found their person yet, don’t feel ready, don’t want kids at all, are struggling with fertility, coping with loss… often feel less than.
And the truth is that it is entirely possible for all of us to have felt less than for all of these different reasons.
When it comes to being a homemaker, I personally feel that, in today’s world, staying at home to raise children is an immense privilege with a lot of factors that he didn’t talk about in his speech. It means your family can be financially supported by your partner’s income, you trust that they will always provide for you and your needs, and you find fulfillment in that decision.
Harrison and his wife are a perfect example of that. He makes $3.6 million annually so they can afford to hire help when they need it, and if, God forbid, something ever happened to their marriage or to Harrison, Isabelle and their kids would be financially taken care of.
But beyond finances or even motherhood, I think the argument that “the diabolical lie is putting pressure on women to have a successful career” is missing some key context.
In the past, what he said was kind of true - women’s lives actually didn’t really begin until they leaned into their vocation of being a wife and mother because they were entirely dependent on a man to provide for them. I always think of both this Little Women scene and this Pride & Prejudice scene.
But this wasn’t only true in the 1800s. In fact, women couldn’t even get a credit card in their own name or buy a home without a husband or male cosigner until 1974 😱 That’s not that long ago!!!!
And while I agree that “hustle culture” can be toxic, I also believe that any pressure we might feel to be successful stems from previous generations who didn’t have the choices and opportunities that we have today.
I thank my lucky stars every day that I was able to take my time finding and committing to a man that I deeply love and who views me as a partner to go through this life with.
I also thank my lucky stars that I was able to support myself before I met him, contribute to our lives together now, and provide for our future family.
Not to mention the fact that I was able to experience so much while learning about myself and what I want/need. My existence up until now has been rich and full of life lessons and meaning, and I’m so glad that I didn’t sell myself short and “wait for my life to start.”
Unfortunately, I think men like Harrison dislike the fact that women are in control of their own lives. Women don’t need to rush into marriage if it doesn’t feel right. Women don’t need to get stuck in abusive relationships or loveless marriages because they don’t have a way out anymore. Women don’t need to make sacrifices based on their husband’s income and/or desires alone if it affects their happiness or mental health. Women don’t have to agree to have tons of kids if they don’t want to, nor do they need to feel like a failure if they can’t conceive naturally.
We are living in a time where we can CHOOSE what we want our lives to look like.
If that means that you want to stay home with your kids, that is WONDERFUL for you! If that means that you want to pursue a career that is fulfilling to you, that is also wonderful! If that means you want to try to find a balance between making enough money to live comfortably while also enjoying life with your family, well, that’s my dream right there.
Ultimately, it’s hard to be a woman. And I just simply hate the idea of any woman hearing that man’s words and feeling “less than” because of the timing of her life or the circumstances she is navigating.
Your life is your life. Live it however you see fit.
Weekend Links:
If you're looking for an easy summer dress under $100, this one is 100% European linen, super comfy, petite friendly and machine washable! I actually ordered in solid navy first and I love it so much that I had to get it in stripes too. It would be so cute on 4th of July, but you can also style it a bunch of different ways all summer long. I got this in a size small, and you can read more Quince sizing insights in this review on the blog!
Ummm… GoHydrate (our favorite electrolyte drink - use code LAKESHORE) is giving away tickets to the Eras Tour 👀 Enter here!!
Have you watched the Wicked trailer yet? Also this video of Ariana and Cynthia singing ‘When You Believe’ at the Met Gala? It’s too much for my musical theater loving heart!!!
I finally bought headphones!! I was debating between a few other brands, but then I saw these Beats headphones for 49% off and under $200, so I ordered them. They arrived in one day and I loooooooove them!
This video by March Fourth is so powerful.
Tula’s Friends & Family sale is live and that means 20% off SITEWIDE! My number one recommendation is always their cleanser (the GOAT) but you can read about all of my other favorite products in this post.
I bought both this midi and this mini assuming that I would return one, but… they’re both so good!!! I got a size small and I love that they’re comfortable, machine washable and versatile. 10/10.
I wish I needed this printed dress. ADORABLE.
Someone asked about sneakers in my Q&A this week, and this Vince pair is so cute and 44% off!
I love hearing when you use my Tommy John code because they really do make the best bras, underwear and pajamas for both men and women. You can still enter LAKESHORE30 for 30% off at checkout!